There’s a reason shows like The Office remain popular. They spoof the work environment in a wildly over-the-top manner; most of us can identify their own workplace version of Michael, Angela, or Dwight. In The Office, people exaggerated sicknesses to get a day off, had an affair with a colleague’s partner, punched a hole in the wall, and slid a bubble-wrapped employee down the stairs. They held meetings to discuss everything from upcoming office party decor to colonoscopy expectations, always under the guise of teachable work moments.
It’s so ludicrous that it’s hysterical.
But I’m here to tell you: it’s also quite real.
In my own workplace experiences spanning different industries in various states over a few decades, I’ve experienced my share of jaw-dropping behaviors.
I worked at a place where an employee kicked a hole in the hallway wall after an offsite happy hour gathering, only to get a promotion a month later. The “wall kicker” incident spurred bets, gossip, and confusion.
I’ve had people openly talk to me about coworkers with whom they had, or hoped to have, an affair.
In another instance, two colleagues began discussing their wives’ post-baby body with me during a business lunch. Specifically, they expressed the hope that they’d undergo labiaplasty. It wasn’t long before they asked me if I’d consider going under the knife there if I ever had a child.
In another instance, a workplace leader not only dismissed multiple concerns that were brought to their attention about a psychologically unstable person on the premises but went on to pay that very person hundreds of dollars for bail.
So, what’s a professional who has no desire to partake in such inappropriate workplace behaviors to do? What should they know when their expressed concerns are ignored or worse, when leadership rewards—or aligns themself with—the problematic individual or situation?
Why toxic work environments thrive
“At the core, toxic cultures persist due to a lack of accountability, power imbalances, and systemic reinforcement of harmful behaviors,” explains Rebecka Parker, Clinical Social Work/Therapist, MSW, LCSW, and writer at Birpnotes. “When inappropriate conduct is ignored—or worse, rewarded—employees quickly recognize that integrity is not valued.”
In turn, a domino effect often sets in. Business expectations shift significantly as inappropriate behaviors remain brushed under the carpet. Concerned staff members receive mixed messages (right is wrong, wrong is right) and end up spending more time documenting issues than focusing on the tasks at hand. Morale wanes. Companies often end up with lowered productivity, more call-outs, and loyal employees who leave. Sometimes they leave because fight or flight responses kicked in, if their physical and mental health were at risk.
Mauricio Velásquez, President and CEO of Diversity Training Group, adds that in many instances, those in charge of departments or entire companies prefer to avoid conflicts. “Most managers are conflict averse,” he says. “They think if they turn away or ignore it outright, the issues will work themselves out.”
However, Velásquez says turning a blind eye only allows the issues to fester. When a manager doesn’t take steps to remedy a situation, “this sends a message that they don’t care, or worse, their silence is interpreted as them supporting bad, toxic behavior. Toxic environments are created by toxic players, toxic leaders and their behaviors, and the rest watching and saying nothing.”
Why execs themselves may engage in questionable behaviors
The question then, becomes: why?
If leadership knows that certain behaviors are not appropriate, why do they tolerate them or even partake in the behaviors?
Seema Dhanoa, a conscious leadership expert, business strategist, and author of the forthcoming book, The Path to Conscious Leadership: Five Steps to Better Decisions and Results (Barlow Books) has a phrase for this: normalization of deviance. “This is a phenomenon where companies gradually accept inappropriate behaviors as the norm,” she says. “Leaders may start by ignoring small infractions—misogyny, nepotism, or unethical conduct—until they become deeply ingrained in the company culture. Over time, employees and leaders assume that ‘this is just how things are done.'”
Dhanoa, who has more than 20 years advising organizations like Scotiabank, TD Bank, and Shopify to improve awareness and overcome unconscious biases, adds that many organizations have “performance over value cultures.” Some leaders may have their own professional or even personal agenda in mind, making them more inclined to dismiss concerns, blame others if something goes awry, or take the credit for reaching company goals.
In some instances, managers worry about backlash if they get too involved trying to fix workplace issues; Parker says that self-preservation may keep some higher-ups from challenging workplace norms. She also adds that power and control can be reasons why some leaders engage in the worrisome behaviors. Doing so allows them to hold onto the reins of control or to align themselves with others in power. Additionally, Parker adds that managers may not even see an issue, especially if a workplace has historically engaged a certain way or if they’ve been benefitting from the status quo.
How hands-off higher-ups impact employees
“Stress, anxiety, tension, depression, strained relationships, unprofessional behavior, even harassment are manifestations of a workplace culture that is not civil or respectful,” says Velásquez, who is also the author of Tackling Toxicity. “Most victims and targets wait too long or don’t know what or how to say it. There are too many silent sufferers out there.”
Dhanoa emphasizes that employees in such environments can feel unseen, undervalued, and emotionally drained. “The first step to coping is understanding how a toxic workplace affects their mental bandwidth and decision-making,” she says. “A scarcity mindset induces stress and blocks access to our intuition, making it harder to navigate difficult workplace dynamics.”
How to cope in dysfunctional work environments
Dhanoa has some suggestions that may help employees. Of course, everyone’s company differs in terms of policies, values, and workplace expectations, so it’s important to be mindful of that when navigating your situation. But when too much is simply too much, there are steps she recommends:
- Leverage values-based leadership: Those who model ethical behavior can influence their immediate teams, even when higher-ups don’t take action.
- Document and escalate issues: Keeping records of inappropriate conduct can provide leverage if action is needed later.
- Build an external support system: Toxic workplaces can make employees feel isolated. Seeking mentorship or professional networks outside of the company can help maintain perspective.
- Plan an exit strategy: If toxic behaviors are rewarded at the highest levels, employees may need to consider transitioning to a healthier workplace.
“Many toxic workplaces operate under unspoken but powerful incentives,” Dhanoa explains. “If a company measures success purely through financial performance or status, it can reward those who play the game, regardless of their ethics. Words about your culture should match the experience, but in many organizations, there is a stark difference between stated values and actual behaviors.
Here’s to hoping everyone can work at a place where stated and actual behaviors are in alignment, where concerns are promptly addressed, and professionalism is valued more than ignored. My experiences, and the many stories I’ve heard from others, suggest that the workplace culture has quite a way to go. Until then, employees need to hold tight to their morals and goals, staying on the professional path even as others stray far from it. You didn’t come this far to get—and stay—sucked into the company’s quicksand.
